The Fact, Key and Action to Help You Work on the Better Version of Yourself

“I am so glad to have met this version of you.”

These 11 words have gotten me thinking long and hard about how I have come from being no use to no one to a person that someone is glad to know today.

It’s true: I would not want to know any other versions of myself except this one.

The previous versions of me, as I remember clearly, are some of the worst shit shows. Even though my intention wasn’t always all bad, the way I interacted with people was condescending. Just because I felt educated and privileged over most people with whom I interacted, I felt as though I “had the right” to look down on others — and even bully them.

“I bully them to make them better and stronger.”

This was how I justified my action then.

The Fact: Tough Situations Make You Strong

Over the past two decades of my life, there have been only a few horrible life-changing events.

Then, I thought of all of those events as a misfortune. Looking back now, I can see clearly how grateful they happened to me. We all want positive events. The truth is that those positive events don’t really help you. They only boost your ego. Every one of the horrible events, on the other hand, had shaped me to become this better version of me.

In 2010, the death of my father was the first truly horrible event. I never loved anyone more than he. My father’s death was a wake-up call that got me thinking about the meaning of my life and my mortality, therefore making me want to be more productive and use my in the wisest possible way. Then came problems with my professional life, which had gotten me to think hard whether the only job I thought I could do was the right job for me — it wasn’t. It, however, took me almost a decade to tell me to stop lying to myself about it. It took a truly horrible event to give me a wake-up call.

The toughest situation came about a couple of years back.

Let me not dwell on it, but all I can say that it was so, for the lack of a better word, “Kafkaesque.” The novelist Franz Kafka (1883–1924) was a Czech writer famous for his depiction of the powerlessness of the individual crushed by nonsensical, often blind authority.

Often, we get through hard times easier when we can explain them. Needless to say, I could not explain a bit this Kafkaesque situation.

In my last post, I wrote about how I not only survived the depression-ridden suicidal year but eventually attained a dream job — using the tough situation as a permanent sticky note guiding the way.

The Key: Humility

That was the one thing that all earlier versions of me lacked.

I was deprived of confidence when I was younger. Being someone who had never been praised for anything, I had a thirst for acceptance. Hence, I put enormous pride on being the “know-it-all” — even if it meant calling people out when they said something wrong at the dining table — as much as in having a status and title. I was proud of my “professor” title and did not want to hear any opposing thoughts.

Often, we don’t see things clearly when our unconstructive confidence overshadows us, as proven by many psychological theories especially the Dunning-Kruger Effect and Curse of Knowledge.

So, the first key to find the better version of yourself is to accept, and therefore invite, the greater sense of knowledge by owing it to humility.

The Action: Think Good Thoughts

Recently, I’ve just re-read a few psychology books (also mentioned in my previous post). This time, I’ve come byways of science to wholeheartedly believe that our mind is really powerful.

From the undeniable power of placebo to the constructive notion of self-efficacy, psychology has shown us quite clearly that the more we think good thoughts, the more good things get attracted and brought over to you. I am not talking about flimsy “The Secret” kind of imagination here — that the universe gives you the wishes that you want (although the key message is not that far apart; read Mark Manson’s commentary here).

The good thoughts that you have will make you look and positive feel to others. Although it might be hard to prove that good thoughts always bring good things, it is super easy to show that you are likely to spread such a negative vibe to everything around you when you are moody.

When you are on the positive side of the aisle, on the contrary, you’re sending positive vibes to others through your body gesture, your facial expression, and your words.

So, here’re the fact, the key, and the action to help get more people to say to you that they are so glad to know this version of you — so should you.